So, I'm doing some mindless DOL grading downstairs this morning and I flip on the TV to find that Dead Poets' Society is playing, an all-time favorite movie, obviously. About twenty minutes later, Matt wanders down and gets engrossed, so I'm thrilled, because he's hanging out with me AND he's watching a movie I wouldn't expect to see interest him, about literature and a group of friends that is interested in doing more than off-roading and motorbiking, which just makes elitist me feel really good to think that I'm helping him to some real soul food.. At one point, I even ask him, "Who does Robin Williams remind you of in this movie?" He says, "Not YOU..." sarcastically and I say, "I know--that's not who I had in mind. I was thinking my English teacher in high school [who he also had for film]." And he says, "That's actually who I WAS going to say." So, we're totally having a little brother/sister bonding moment, right?
That's when, towards the end, my dad comes down. When the kid's father starts getting all tyrannical about his desire to act in what I'm sorry to say really IS very similar to my dad might also act in such a situation, my dad scoffs loudly and starts grumbling about how the movie has to make up this ridiculous stereotype to fit with its theme of "disrespecting authority figures." Meanwhile, his son, who usually remains holed up in his room playing video games, is in the family room watching a scene featuring Shakespeare!! So he quietly grunts about it to my mom for like FIFTEEN minutes, who was surprisingly calm and understanding about it, until he finally gets up and locks himself in his room upstairs, refusing to answer when my mom knocks. I never said anything and I was just super-glad that I wasn't even within his eye sight, let alone expected to respond to anything he was saying, but I could not BELIEVE that he could get upset about it, number one, and THEN to go on and on and on about it for so long...It hadn't even occurred to me that it would hit a sore spot; it was a favorite movie long before Chris killed himself and I hadn't even really remembered that part of the story, per se. I understand how it would be hard to watch something like that from his perspective, but it's amazing to me that he can allow it to upset him rather than trying to think about WHY it might be upsetting him, even after all of this time. It's so frustrating for me, because I still remember how the last real heart-to-heart conversation I had with Chris was only a week before he died, where he asked me to write his biography when he died and when I asked him why he was even thinking about that, he broke down crying about how he thought my mom and dad would never be satisfied with any accomplishments he ever made, simply because he had decided not to go to college. And now I'm watching Matt feel totally paralyzed by the same pressure, only directed in a new way. He WANTS to go to college, but has had a tough time getting all of the application stuff together, so, rather than helping him through the process, my parents keep trying to convince him to go work for this pseudo-CCC project that just embarrasses him and makes him feel worthless. Clearly, we are all in dire need of some therapy...And I probably don't help much even THINKING about it the way I do, but it's so hard not to be utterly baffled by the stuff I see going on around me here.
Some good things have been happening lately, though. After recovering from the blow of a $1,000 car maintenance issue, things started picking up with my job. I’m still having a little trouble with the behavior in one class, but the rest of my classes are really going well and I’m generally really satisfied with my kids and job, though the pay is really smarting, especially in light of the above financial catastrophe.
My old school is still being horrible to me, even now. I asked my old principal to write a statement simply certifying that I had taught for them for three years and to fill out an easy form for my credential program, but she didn’t respond and then when I called, she had her SECRETARY call back to let me know that she has a policy not to send evaluation forms to candidates. One of my students from D.C. called me this past weekend and asked me how things were going. I started to explain all of these things that had been happening, both with the current school where I'm teaching and the last one where I taught, and he got all teary and said so sweetly and genuinely, “I am so happy to hear that; nothing could make me happier. I was just talking to [another student from the school] the other day and I was telling him that I think both you and [said student] were both one step ahead and to the left of what our school could appreciate. I am just so happy that you are both somewhere where there are people who appreciate everything you are.” He’s going to come visit in December, so I’m really excited about that.
I went out to dinner with two old friends from high school. While we were hanging out, Sherann’s phone rang and when she hung up, she explained that another friend from high school had called and invited us to come see his band play at this divey bar in town. I had kind of had a teensy crush on him from afar in high school, but he had this really cute girlfriend all four years. Sherann told us that she had started dating him, but she decided she didn’t think it would work because he’s a little too awkward socially. She also told us that he’s really smart—has a master’s and is teaching Geography at a local community college and that he flies to places like Seattle on the weekends to take pictures of Mt. Ranier or whatever he’s going to talk about to show his students. So, of course, with the social awkwardness, the intelligence, and the regular trips to geographical phenomena in places like Seattle, I’m TOTALLY in love again.
Well, like I said…it was awkward. When we first showed up, my friend guided us over to John and reminded him of our names. When she introduced me, I said, “You probably don’t remember me; I don’t think we ever had any classes together and I didn’t exactly have the kind of personality that made it so everyone knew me.” He was sweet and said, “No, I remember you,” but when I came up to him later to strike up a conversation by asking him about his teaching, the first thing he said was, “Now I think I remember you…” making it clear that he had totally lied before. That kind of killed my confidence, so our conversation had a few awkward pauses and then he escaped as quickly as he could. It’s okay, though. He is clearly talented, but his band was a little embarrassing (Tom Waits meets Jimi Hendrix—complete with John playing his guitar with his teeth and doing these very psychedelic and thus ridiculous dances on stage without a shirt on—meets a very uncool Vincent Price). I was pretty miserable in the scene the whole night, but it was worth a shot.
- I wore my long-sleeved striped red and black shirt under my black corduroy coat to school for spirit day (school colors) and I took off my coat during 5th period. One of my students, Robby, says, “Ms. G., where did you get that shirt? Because it reminds me of this shirt that I saw someone wearing in a movie…” I kept bugging him to tell me which movie, despite his repeated warnings that I didn’t want to know, until he said, “Freddy Kruegger.” I cracked up and the girls in the class got outraged, “That is NOT true, Ms. G. It looks very retro and very cool. If you like Ms. G’s shirt, raise your hand.” (Butt-kissing hands united.) “If you like ROBBY’S shirt, raise your hand.” (Butt-kissing hands stayed put and butt-kissing mouths laughed out loud.)
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